Magic Shoes Bring B & G out of Retirement

It was inevitable. We’ve gotten so desperate, deviant, disenfranchised, and … defyed here at B & G that we’ve decided to come out of early retirement. I know, I know. We come and go with less predictability (though more frequency) than these gosh darned 13 year magic cicadas that have plagued my neighborhood for the past month. Last time B & G disappeared and subsequently reappeared there were swashbuckling tales of the African bush, hippos, spies, and top secret clearances. This time, my only excuse is the soul crushing tedium of cubicle life. As you may or may not know, this blog has periodically been about culture, music, bourbon, reality shows and zombies. So what, you might ask, is so important, so compelling, that it has awoken the sleeping giant? One of the first rules of writing is show don’t tell. So, here you go:

I give you, the Gravity Defyer. I first saw these while thumbing through a magazine in the local supermarket. Take a good look at the logo. Yes, it looks like a sperm. I honestly thought the ad I saw in the mag was some sort of satire, but then I thought how expensive full-page real estate in glossy magazines must be and looked the company up when I got home. They’re real alright, and there’s really not much to say about this. Just peruse the Website. Please.

If you’re like me, these things open up some questions, not the least of which are: 1) Who buys this shit?  2) Who was on the logo design team? and 3) What exactly is a “versoshock reverse trampoline sole”? They’re also $139, which seems expensive at first but I suppose is a small price to pay for magic shoes with a picture of sperm on the sides.

Please tell me the ad team is aware of the joke.