The Secret Life of Bourbon and Ginger

*Video contains adult language

Here’s a brief explanation of the short life, disappearance, and subsequent reappearance of Bourbon and Ginger. Not that I care. And not that you care either. It all comes down to this: security clearance. It would have only been secret, not top secret, which I would never be able to acquire anyway. The background check might be clean, but the polygraph would get me. There are no major skeletons in my closet, but the word on the street is that these days, only squeaky clean Latter Day Saints can get top secret clearance. It’s true.  Look it up.

That’s neither here nor there, and I have no idea why the job for which I was being interviewed needed a security clearance from the US Gov. It wasn’t a government job, but it just goes to show how much influence the USG has over even supposedly irreproachable humanitarian agencies. Those aid dollars come with strings attached after all.  It’s all rather Machiavellian really.

All of this begs the question, “What the hinges of Hades are you talking about Jonny?”

I don’t really know. Let’s just say that everything worked out for the best. They hired someone much grayer and less irreverent than I, and now I don’t have to live on a military base.

But back to my original theme: Bourbon and Ginger. It’s not exactly a CIA-insider tell-all, so what’s the big deal? Eh, well, I thought that when the folks doing research on my security clearance started looking online and found B & G, they might be a little taken aback by my apparently uncontrollable urge to say whatever I want, and I wouldn’t get the clearance or the position.

These people are very rigid. A sense of humor, even one as stupid as mine, is seen as potentially treasonous. It has always led me to wonder how intelligent our intelligence can possibly be. When we’re talking about top secret clearance (which we’re not) a person essentially has to have an impossibly boring, goodie-goodie background. Perfect credit. All of your family going back three generations should also have perfect credit. You should never have tasted alcohol, been a virgin until you married, and absolutely, without question, should not have smoked pot. What can people like this actually know about the world?

In any event, there are very few positions with internationally inclined development organizations that require US Gov security clearances. In fact that’s the only one I’ve ever come across, so it looks as though I’m free to tell the truth again on B & G. Or at least free to expand on the potty humor lurking inside my simple mind.


About kimetime

Kimetime has lived some of his life in motion, some of it sedentary, all of it in hiding. Some people call him Jonny.
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5 Responses to The Secret Life of Bourbon and Ginger

  1. hilarious! Can I get a Crown and Coke? and a lap dance too?!

  2. kimetime says:

    Add a twist of lime and you’re on!

  3. Krista says:

    B&G is back. Yesssssss…

    • kimetime says:

      Thanks Krista. Now lets see something new from My Blog Ate Your Blog. The truck of swine is beautiful, but I have a short attention span.

  4. Mike says:

    Nice Jonny. Let me know if you need me to take your pee test. My pee is golden these days, unless I’ve been drinking a lot. Then it’s pretty clear.

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